Adopted Korean

it's been a while

2009-02-24T12:38:00.000-08:00

I know it has been a while. But I have a good reason for that..I joined facebook last week. I didn't want to do it, but I did. It is terrible! No actually I love it...I have found all of my high school friends, kids I used to babysit, and college friends. Everyone has been telling me to get it for so long, but I kept saying, I would have no one to talk to, it would take up my time, I don't want people to see my pictures and life, and on and on I made up excuses. BUT then I thought how that I wanted to keep in contact with people who were leaving the lab soon as well as some others, so I joined for that purpose. But I got so much more.
When I joined, I had forgotten about so many of my friends from high school. We just either lost touch, lives got in the way, or we just weren't really that close to begin with. But some friends that were just acquintances in high school, were really good elementary or middle school friends. And when we talk we talk about those times. It is really nice to reminice with someone who was there. I love my husband, but he will never fully understand how important and significant choir and dancing were to me in junior high and high school. He was never there for my orchestra concerts or trips to Toronto or Washington DC. But many of the friends I have found on facebook were and we laugh and talk of the old times. And they often bring up things from the past that I can barely remember.
I used to babysit for this family everyday after school for 5 years until they moved. And we have kept in touch periodically, but I just saw one of them on facebook and he is all grown up. We leave messages for one another and it just brings a smile to my face.
So although I was totally against facebook, it is a nice way to stay connected. We don't write everyday, but it is nice to see everyone. So I highly recommend facebook or my space to those of you who had a lot of memories from your life and wished you could reconnect with those people.

Happy New Year!!!

2009-01-18T16:52:00.000-08:00

Happy 2009!
Things haven't changed too much since I last wrote. Anthony has started to do a bunch of new things, such as say dada, eat everything in site, roll over, hold himself up on his tummy, screams, spits, and laughs a lot! He is close to crawling, but only time will tell. He likes all kinds of food. I try and puree most of the foods myself, but tend to buy most of the fruits. He is starting to teethe, so his cheeks are red and rosy. I feel so bad for him. We give him teethers and cold dried apricots to suck on. he loves the apricot. He has started to sleep most of the night. He wakes up once, but usually cries for a few minutes and then goes back to sleep. Mark and I are doing well. Mark is busy with work as am I. We'll try to keep you updated a little better than we have.

This weekend

2008-12-14T17:32:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was pretty busy. Usually Mark and I have a yearly Christmas party, but we were just too busy with Anthony for our large party (50+ people). However, I have a lot of undergraduate students and technicians in my lab and we all decided to do a secret santa gift exchange and I decided to have a potluck at my house with them. It was a busy day. I started at 7:00 a.m., feeding and hanging out with Anthony and Mark for about an hour or so, then Anthony went down for his morning nap and I was off cleaning and prepping my spinach lasagna and taco fillings for my part of the potluck. Mark helped by vacuuming the house and then taking care of Anthony when he awoke from his morning nap. He took a bunch of really cute pictures of Anthony during this time, one of my favorites is shown above. I was rushing around, getting ready, making the meals and counting down the minutes. I literally was ready right at the start of the party. Everyone arrived and the boys automatically migrated towards the Xbox360 Halo game, while the girls sat and talked about food and X-mas. We all sat down at one table to eat, just like we did every Tuesday and Thursday this past semester. Lunch is always a great time, usually full of laughter and fun!!!! We ate and then exchanged gifts. I got a children's book and teddy bear from my secret santa, which I love. It was the perfect gift. Other cool gifts included a safe hidden in a book, 5 pack party pack of Heineken, gift cards, blue socks and headphones, internet games, and a hat. After gifts we gathered around for a game of Cranium, which Jen and Jenn won. Then more Halo and then a couple rounds of Hearts. The party ended around 8:00 p.m., just in time for Anthony's bedtime. Everyone left, we cleaned up, and then the day was over, just that fast. It was a great time and good memory. It makes me feel old sometimes working with the undergrads, but for the most part, they make me feel young.

sick days

2008-12-09T06:11:00.001-08:00

Anthony is sick today, so I am home with him. Poor little guy can barely breathe through his nose while sucking on the pacifier. What always amazes me is how happy he is while he is sick. Mark and I are just holding our breath, waiting for our third day care cold to begin.

Time goes by so quickly

2008-11-23T09:23:00.000-08:00

Anthony is almost 6 months and it seems like each day he does something new to surprise us. He is rolling over, grabbing at things, can almost hold his bottle, and can sit with support! All in just a week. He is just getting cuter and cuter. Although he still doesn't like to sleep all night, his first morning smile always makes the long nights worth it.

Ruby Tuesday

2008-11-10T17:47:00.001-08:00

Here is Anthony. I love his face in this picture. It says "come on mom, don't make me read this again!" Happy Ruby Tuesday.

Ruby Tuesday and 2008 Presidential Election Day

2008-11-03T13:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Ruby Tuesday and Happy Election Day!!!!! Get out and vote today. It has been an exciting election, but it will nice to have a break from all of the commercials for a while.

busy last few days of October!

2008-11-01T06:26:00.001-07:00

The last few weeks have been pretty busy. On October 25th, my good friend Kristen married Jason. The wedding was beautiful and the reception was a lot of fun. Kristen looked beautiful! It is just strange to see friends that you have known since college marry. Mark and I drank and partied like we used to before Anthony was born! But our age showed when all of my other friends went out dancing and drinking after the wedding reception and Mark and I fell into a nice long slumber! Part of me really really wanted to go dancing, because I love to dance, but a bigger part of me wanted to enjoy a full night's rest. My friends could not understand, but they will someday and when it happens I will laugh. After last weekend, Mark and I both got sick...again. We worked the week and then yesterday on Halloween, we took Anthony to my mother's for a little Halloween dinner and fun. He was a monkey..the cutest monkey ever, if I must say so myself. Although it was fun, Mark and I are still pretty sick and are just trying to get rid of whatever bug we got. Hope everyone had a great Halloween!!

Are we really paying attention?

2008-10-29T17:18:00.000-07:00

Now that I am really busy, my brain is starting to feel a little congested. I often find myself listening to people, but not really hearing what they are saying. It often happens at lunch, when my brain is trying to relax, but also is thinking about what I need to do for the rest of the day and what I have accomplished earlier in that day. A few of my friends have caught me not listening, because they ask me a question and I won't respond or I'll ask a question and they will say the answer, but I won't hear them and thus ask the question a few more times. Luckily we all think it is pretty comical. But I don't like not being fully present so I hope that just writing this blog will bring me back to clarity.
The picture is from a website I happened to come across. Peter's photos can be found here. The above picture is called total clarity.
Vote Obama!!

Ruby Tuesday

2008-10-27T17:11:00.001-07:00

It's coming!!!!!

day care cold

2008-10-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

Well Anthony and I were sick over the weekend. He took it like a champ, smiling and babbling. I, on the other hand, feel just terrible. I wish I was smiling, I am babbling, but I don't think it is the same when I do it! Ha Ha. Oh well, we have survived our first day care cold.

Ruby Tuesday

2008-10-21T17:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry my Ruby Tuesday is so late today! Here is a picture of me a few years ago. It was a last minute costume as most of mine are, because I hate to spend a lot of money on Halloween. This year we are dressing Anthony in a monkey costume! What we will be, no one knows?

ruby tuesday

2008-10-13T16:12:00.000-07:00

Here is a salad I made for a lab beer hour. It is a time at the end of the week to relax and talk about science! It is the researcher's good time.

A night on our own

2008-10-12T17:14:00.000-07:00

My husband and I had our first night in 4 months all to ourselves. My mom watched Anthony on Friday night. It was his first time away from home all night and he did a great job (so did grandma). It is nice to know that he doesn't have a lot of separation anxiety. I know it is due to the fact that he is in daycare. He is used to being with other people, not just Mark or I all of the time. Mark and I went to dinner at a nice restaurant and I had my first cocktail in 13 months. I had two gin and tonics and I definitely was feeling them. I laughed and smiled, just as I did on my 21st birthday. It was really nice to get dressed up and have an adult conversation without worrying if Anthony would cry. The cocktails took away any nervousness I had being away from Anthony. By the time I got home, I was ready for bed and fell into a deep sleep around 10:00 and woke up at 6:30, without waking up once. It was the first full night's sleep I have had in 4 months. Although I slept well, I missed him and am happy to have him home, waking me every three hours, again.

Wrong day

2008-10-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

All day today I kept thinking that it was October 10th. I dated everything Oct. 10th and even started walking across campus to see a talk, until I realized half way there, that it is Oct. 8th, not the 10th. I hate when I get my days all confused. It messes my entire week up.

Ruby Tuesday

2008-10-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

It wouldn't be fair to my cat, Cali if I didn't include her in my blog. Cali was adopted in November of 2004 from Pets Mart. I actually saw her on a Friday before Thanksgiving weekend. I had just started dating my husband and was going to his parents for Thanksgiving that weekend. I saw Cali when I was with my parents and begged like a 5 year old for them to take her for the weekend until I got back. But they said no. I did not adopt her that night. But all weekend I thought about Cali. As soon as we got back, I got right into my car and drove to Pets Mart. Amazingly, Cali was the only cat left from friday. Maybe it was because she was the oldest cat there. I adopted her and named her Cali. She is the best cat and loves to lick everything. In this picture she is playing with socks on our red beadspread.

Palin vs. Biden debate

2008-10-05T06:13:00.000-07:00

I watched the debate on Thursday just waiting for Palin to make a huge mistake, but she was fine. She held her ground and she smiled the ENTIRE time (I'm sure her cheeks hurt later). Her voice though still sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me at times. Although I am not a Palin fan, I must say she presents herself well and demonstrates that she is intelligent and hard working. BUT many women and men ARE! What makes her ability as a PTA and hockey mom different from any other working mother who may be the CEO of a company? It seems to me that she is a wonderful governor of Alaska (which she mentioned more that a FEW times in the debate), but the question on my mind and everyone else's is "Is she ready to rule over 50 states and work with the rest of the world? It would be like me trying to apply to be the President of a University with just a bachelor's degree and a few extracurricular activities on my resume. People have argued that she is just like us, she knows what we want. Fine, I understand how some could see that in her, but again her ability to sympathize and understand the people doesn't necessarily make her a great leader. I too understand that people are suffering, but that by no means makes me even think I can run the country. And honestly if Biden had winked to the camera as Palin did, wouldn't that just have put him out of the running as being a good VP? I am sure it would have. Biden did a good job as well, however I know that most Americans don't want to be bogged down with numbers, they seem to get lost in translation somewhere. It showed me that he at least knew what he was talking about, but the question is, are the majority of Americans going to see that he is more qualified than Palin, or are they going to see what they want to see?
Most Americans including me will see and hear what they want to hear and rule everything else out. We are human beings, and we don't like to be wrong, so we often edit things to hear only what we want to hear. My favorite part of the debate was when Biden stated that just because he was a man that didn't make him any less able to understand what being a single parent was like and raising children on his own. I think that put Palin back a bit. I understand that she has a special needs child, but why is it that she can bring up her special needs child, but can't involve family issues when it comes to her pregnant teenage daughter? It seems to me that teen pregnancy may also be a major concern for mothers of teenagers, which would compare to mothers of special needs children. Don't tell me to keep her family issues out of the debate, but keep bringing up that she is a hockey mom of a special needs child. And finally, she herself said "I have only been at this for 5 weeks" and " I don't understand what goes on down there in Washington". shouldn't this be a huge red flag that she is not ready? All in all Palin is a good gov. of Alaska, but she is NOT ready to lead the country.

Up All Night

2008-10-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

Last night was a tough one. Anthony went to sleep around 8:30 and slept until 11:00. He woke up, ate, and went back to sleep. But at 2:00 a.m. after I changed his diaper, re-swaddled him, and put him down, he decided that it was time for a little chat. He babbled from 2:00 a.m. until 4:00 a.m. I tried to put the pacifier in his mouth, but he just turned his head to the side and spit it out. Then kept on babbling. At first it was really cute, he would just smile and start talking more, but as the night wore on, it got to be little much. It was just a long night. He is asleep now, so hopefully he won't want to talk again late tonight.

Age Differences

2008-09-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

Age Differences

I work in a position where it seems that I will continually get older and the people I work with will stay the same age. Why is this? Because I work in a research lab with undergraduates and they will come and go as life changes for them. All of the undergrads will be between 18 and 22 years of age, full of life, questions, anxiety, hope, laughter, and uncertainty. I work at an institution where the students are some of the best in the world and they are all very smart. Many of them are biology/premed majors who worry way too much about getting into med school. To them getting in is all that matters. They study hard, worry about their GPA, work on their personal essays, and MCAT scores all to get into the med school of their choice. Although a few really want to be doctors, others are not as certain. Unfortunately they are following in their parent's footsteps or being driven heavily by their parents to be doctors. I won't lie, many of the students are Asian, but funny enough all of the Asians in my lab are Korean/American. We all share stories about how kids would make fun of us when we were little always making fun of our eyes and stuff. But none of us have Asian accents and I was the only one who played the violin.
I digress. It makes me feel young being around the college kids, but when we talk about music, my space, or facebook I know I am getting older. Most of them didn't know new kids on the block when they were big in the 90s. Now that New Kids on the Block are back on the music scene, they think they are a new group!!! What is even funnier is that my husband is 14 years older than me and the only time I think he is old is when we talk about music groups that were big when he was in college vs. when I was in college. I used to watch those info. commercials for the CD sets with oldies on them and think, I never heard of any of those songs. The scary thing is, now all of the songs I grew up with are becoming the old CDs!

Ruby Tuesday

2008-09-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

Ruby Tuesday
This is my first post for Ruby Tuesday, where you post something red every Tuesday. This is my 2 year old yellow lab, Abby. She used to love this toy, but I have no idea where it is now!

2008-09-29T08:56:00.001-07:00

Zoo pictures.

It amazes me how going to the zoo can turn you into a kid instantly. This past summer I took my nieces Melissa and Marlee to the Cleveland zoo. There was a 50% chance of rain, it was a weekday, and cloudy..it was perfect!! There were probably 40 people there at the most and it didn't rain once. We got to see all of the animals up close. The elephants were amazing and one was so close that I could almost touch it if it hadn't been for the fence. Although Anthony is too young to really appreciate the zoo, it was still fun. Hope you enjoy the pictures!

2008-09-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

What is he saying?

It is so amazing now that Anthony is starting to babble now. He talks all of the time when he is happy and screams the rest of the time. But when he talks, I think what are you saying? He doesn't even know what he is saying. Yesterday I turned on you tube and punched in baby talk and turned on videos of babies babbling. He just watched and listened. It only makes sense that he would be intrigued by someone that sounds like him! Maybe they speak some sort of baby language that they can only understand. Being a neuroscientist, it would be interesting to look at an MRI of a babies brain when we talk to them vs. another baby talking. Do the same areas of the brain light up or do areas of comprehension light up only when babies hear other babies talk? Are you following me? Sometimes I talk in circles, so I understand if you don't follow. It is hard to imagine that we were once all wired pretty much the same and that environmental influences really help shape who we are. I am very much like my adopted mother in some ways (which she may not think), but I am becoming more organized and a little overzealous about my schedule and planning just like her and I will often catch myself saying things at work in the same tone and using the exact same words that my mom uses. Scary, isn't it. But I am also a good example of how genetics shape who we are. I am very stubborn and I don't care if I wear make-up everyday or how my house looks everyday. Of course on special occasions I care, but my mother tends to care about this stuff everyday. She is an artist, a perfectionist...I am definitely not. My mother could take a week to find the perfect wrapping paper and card for a present and make it look like a million bucks, whereas I will find paper that looks pretty, put a bow on it, and if I have a card lying around..that is the one they get!

Nature vs. nurture has always had a place in our society. Whether we are asking the simple question "Does our personality reside in our genes or is it due to environmental influences?" to something more complex as to "whether being gay is genetic or a choice based on our environment." I for one don't really care why you are gay, that is just who you are, just like I am asian. So I guess I would favor more of a genetic basis for homosexuality, but in reality does it even really matter if you are happy? I AM more interested in personality though. I LOVE to try and figure out why people are the way they are. I think more of our personality stems from our environment than from our genes. Of course there are often severe cases in which this doesn't hold true...and I should probably say this is definitely my OWN opinion...not a 100% known fact. But I do like to watch and learn how people react with others. I have worked with so many different personalities and wonder why some people are more angry or negative compared to someone who is always upbeat and positive. Or wonder what makes some people connect with material possessions more than others. I have a hard time relating to people who always tell me what they have, what they bought, how much it cost, etc. It just seems so meaningless to me, but I know that to them it is very important to share. We will never know the truth to nature vs. nurture for all the questions that it applies to in the world, but next time you meet someone strange or different from you ..ask yourself who are they really and how did they get to be this way? I am the different one or are they?

Donald Hebb studied nature vs. nurture

2008-09-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Well obviously my new years resolution was not fulfilled, but really whose is? I also changed the title of my blog to Adopted Korean. It represents me more and I was tired of catchy title. So much has happened this past year and I can't believe that it is almost over. I had my son on June 8th, 2008 and he weighed 7lbs 10 oz. He came out with a full head of hair. Giving birth wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, only because I had the epidural. Without it, I would have been screaming I am sure. I went into labor on a Sat. morning at 4:30 a.m. and didn't get the epidural until 6:00 p.m. that night. My contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart and they hurt!!! My friend asked me to describe the pain, but like all mothers, I just really couldn't put it into words. I just remembered that it was very painful. But then I received my epidural and I was very happy. When it came time to push, the nurse asked me if I had taken Lamaze and I said no. She said "then we will practice a few times, then push for real and call the doctor in when it is time." I did one practice push and then she said"o.k. I see the head, let's call the doctor." Anthony came out with no more than 4 pushes and in less than 15 minutes. I thought I would cry when I saw him, like I do when I watch any baby birth on t.v., but to my surprise, I just smiled bigger than I ever have in my life and was just soooo happy.
The past 3 months have been pretty crazy. He still doesn't sleep through the night and eats 2-3 times at night. It is tiring, but now I am in such a routine that if I get too much sleep, I am graugy all day. I started back to work 3 weeks ago and I thought I would hate it, but I actually love being a working mom. I feel more dedicated to my job now compared to when I was pregnant and focused on being pregnant. And when I get home, I focus on my baby not on work. My job is demanding, but I have decided that if I am going to work full time, I am going to be fully present in everything I do. When I am at work, I am at work (of course I still breastpump and call to check on my son at daycare), but I work hard and smart. When I am driving to pick up Anthony I use that time as my time...my time to breathe and listen to my music as loud as I want and just thing about whatever I want. As soon as I pick up Anthony it is all about him until he goes to bed and then it is about getting ready for the next day to do it all over again. The only thing I worry about is the monotany of each day. I get restless when each day is pretty much exactly the same, so I will have to try and do something to wake up my spirit each day.

Being a working mom is a hard choice to make. I thought I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and that I would just try this out for a bit to see if I liked it. I almost didn't and just quit my job, but I am glad that I went back to work. For now this works for me maybe in a month, year, years, this won't work for me anymore and I will want to stay home. But when that time comes, I will decide then. Right now, I have everything I ever wanted and not many people can say that, so I feel very very blessed.

2008-01-02T16:47:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!
Happy New Year everyone! I think this year is going to be great!
I am 16 weeks today, almost half-way there! I am feeling a little better, however am still nauseous and tired. I am waiting for that 2nd trimester bliss! Hopefully it will come soon. My belly is round and full. Eating isn't as fun as it used to be because I get a belly ache afterwards. I have felt the baby moving around. It is pretty unreal. Many say that it feels like a flutter, but for me it often feels like the baby is swimming and doing flips in my belly. It isn't very often, but when he/she is moving, I know it. My friend just had a baby and told me a very detailed play by play of her 41 hours of labor. Part of it was good to hear, but I think that sometimes not knowing all of the details is better. Too late now. I start a prenatal yoga class on Sat. I am sure it will be fun and I will meet other mothers to be. Mark and I have a doctor's appointment this week. We may get to find the sex of the baby, but it is still early, so we may not find out until next month.
Did you all make new year's resolutions? My resolutions include:
1. to exercise and eat to have more energy
2. live lift to the fullest
3. enjoy each day
4. volunteer/help others
5. publish two papers
6. work harder, instead of working only at 75% of my ability, work at 100%.
I am sure I will have more, but these are enough to work on for now.

Happy New Year!!!!

2007-12-04T06:33:00.000-08:00

We are PREGNANT!!!!

Well Mark and I have made it through the first 12 weeks of pregnancy! We didn't tell many people because of our miscarriage a few months ago. The first couple of months were nerve racking. I have been nauseous most of the day, but have only thrown up a couple of times. I have been pretty tired and felt pretty out of it. Everyone tells me that it gets better after 3 months, I sure hope so. I am starting to get more headaches and almost fainted in the grocery store. On top of that I now have a cold.
Despite the general pregnancy symptoms, Mark and I are pretty excited. It is hard to imagine that anything is growing inside of me. I look a little fatter, but only I can tell. You can't see it through my clothes yet. My pants are a little tighter though. Well I have to get ready for work, but I will write again soon.

2007-10-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

GO INDIANS!!

So I am usually not into baseball at all, but because the Indians are in the playoffs and may go to the World Series, I have been really excited. Although, not excited enough to stay up until midnight to watch the entire game. I have decided that I will watch Thursday's game all the way through if it kills me. I don't want to miss out on the excitement.
If you read Mark's blog, then you will know that we went to Chicago a couple of weekends ago. Man how time flies. Abby was sad this weekend like she remembered what she did the weekend before and was upset that we could not do it again. I was in heaven at the party with all of the food. I felt a bit rude, because I basically met the host and then dashed to the buffet. They had hot dogs, pasta, cabbage rolls, sauerkraut, etc. you name it they probably had it. Not to mention all of the appetizers and desserts that everyone brought. It was like heaven. We didn't get a chance to really go downtown, but I have been there before so it was nice to be in the suburbs. I would love to move to Chicago, but it is pretty expensive to live there.

Abby decided that she was going to eat part of her bed yesterday, which caused her to throw up all over our room and living room. She was gagging all night, so needless to say, Mark and I didn't sleep very well last night. I felt bad for her, but at the same time..it was her own doing.
I just hope she is o.k. and that none of the bedding got stuck in her intestines. She is so cute though, it is hard to stay mad at her.

2007-09-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

The VMAs

Did anyone catch the VMAs last night? Whoever put the whole show together should be forced to watch Britney Spears's opening act for 24 hours. Britney Spears was more than embarrassing, she was a total flop. She was lip singing and eventually just gave up in the middle, my mom dances better than she did, and although she does look good for a woman who just had two kids, her outfit was very unflattering. But despite the bad opening, the whole show was terrible. I couldn't even finish watching it. It wasn't even entertaining. There were a lot of technical difficulties, uncomfortable jokes, moments of silence, and I really didn't like attending all of the parties. I like the large stages, with all of the lights, dancers, etc. I don't want to see everyone in a small room performing for a small audience and to a handheld video camera.
When is America going to step up and say we are finished with these messed up girls? Why are the role models for our girls people like Britney, Paris, and Lohan? Why do we have to teach our children that wearing underwear, spending money, drinking and driving, drugs, parties, etc. is all that life is about. Why don't we teach them that knowing who we are, helping the less fortunate, becoming educated, etc. is what life should be about. Not what shoes we have or what cars we drive. Wake up America!

2007-09-03T05:30:00.001-07:00

A day with my oldest friend

Yesterday I went to see my oldest friend, Stacy. Stacy and I have been friends since 2nd grade around 6 or 7 years old. We didn't have the same group of friends, but our mothers were friends so I spent a lot of time over at their house. They had a pool and lived about 2 miles down the road from us. We would wake up and go swimming, take short lunch breaks, and then go back into the water until after dark. She had a huge family that all lived right around her, so we would go visit and play with them as well. In third grade, my mother and I moved away from that house so Stacy and I didn't get to see each other as much. But for some reason we always kept in touch, hung out and still remained close friends. Stacy went to college in Arizona, moved back to Ohio and then to Columbus during our college years. Then she married and now has two adorable children. We rarely see one another, maybe once a year or every two years. But she never changes and I really haven't either, so we get along just as we always have. I really loved seeing her children and hearing about her husband, Antonio's family history in Mexico. We had a traditional Mexican soup as well. It really made me wish she lived closer to me, so I could come visit them more often.

2007-09-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

RUSH

If you have read my husband's blog, we went to see RUSH on Thursday evening. It was a late night and I must say I was exhausted all day on Friday at work. But it was a good concert. I only know the a couple songs that they sing, but because of my husband I am beginning to really enjoy and appreciate their musical talent. They put on a great show, the light show, graphics, and pictures are really well done. It was nice to see the span of generations, however I believe that I was the ONLY Asian there. If there were any other Asians there, then I didn't see them. I love the drum solo by Neil Pert. He is just amazing!
I had class on Friday and our teacher showed the video "The Inner Life of The Cell". I had viewed the video before and it is really amazing. But our professor explained what was happening, which made it even better. After class I was exhausted and can't say I got much actual work done on Friday. Late weeknights throw my whole schedule off...oh do I sound old or what?

2007-08-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

Colds are never fun!

It started last Wed. when I had a terrible sore throat. Then the sore throat went away and was replaced by sinus pressure. Then the sinus pressure increased and moved into my chest causing me to cough all day and night. The headaches are the worst. I hate having a cold and no matter what I take nothing helps. My husband began to get a little sick, but he has an excellent immune system and is already starting to feel better. Besides my cold and massive headaches, I started class today. I am actually just sitting in on the class to learn and review cell biology. It is an undergraduate level course that I didn't have when I was in school, but one that I think is essential. It is funny because I looked like all of the sophomore undergrads in the class. The teacher seems very interesting. I'll keep you updated.

2007-08-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

Rainy Sundays

Sundays are the best, even when it is raining. Here in Ohio it has been muggy and rainy, but somehow we ohioans seem to always make it through. I send my prayers out to those who are suffering from flood, hurricane, and tornado damage around the U.S. Natural disasters are the worst. I have not personally had to deal with one and hope I never have to. I don't even know what you would do in any of those situations. How do you clean up water that is 18 ft deep in your house? If you could take 5 items with you , what would they be? For me it would be my husband, cats, dog, journal, and computer. My computer has most of my pictures on it, so it is really like my photo album. I mean who do you call? Where do you get the supplies for such a disaster? It is crazy. The news is such a downer when you watch..from the flooding to bridge collapses, crazy people killing others, it is enough to scare you to death. I guess that is why we all have to have faith and hope in something bigger than us. That is the only way to stay sane in this crazy place we call "our world".

2007-08-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

Miscarriage blues continue on.

You know it amazes me how much one little cell that turned into a bunch of other cells that was supposed to be a baby, but turned out to be nothing but tissue matter could affect me so much. I was fine after the miscarriage..that was the easy part. But now that it has been 6 months of waiting for my body to return to normal (which I'm sure it still isn't) and trying to conceive, NOW it is starting to get to me. I know the statistics: 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage, it takes the average couple 12 months to conceive, stress affects fertility, blah, blah blah. But it is so hard to understand how at one point I could get pregnant so easily and now when I'm actually trying...not be able to.
I was sure that this month was the month! I timed everything and thought my plan couldn't fail. Oh, but it did. Another month and a half of trying and waiting. It is kind of like slow torture for a whole year. Everyone says don't think about it, don't worry about it, but sorry to say but since my miscarriage my PMS symptoms are much more severe and mimic pregnancy symptoms every month. So it feels like I'm pregnant, but really am not. Again, slow torture. Not to add that everyone and their sister seems to be getting pregnant. I am happy for them, but as any woman who is trying to conceive and having a hard time will tell you..there is always still that sense of jealousy and sadness when you hear their fortunate news.
I know in my heart that our time will come, whether it is using hormone therapy or maybe adopting a child..it will come. But I, like the rest of America, am impatient and want instant gratification.

2007-07-30T17:33:00.000-07:00

Wondering what we could be doing!

One of my favorite things to do is to look at the classifieds section and browse through the job openings. I love it because I like to determine which jobs I am interested in as well as what jobs I am qualified for. I always am drawn to teaching jobs and academic administrative jobs. However, some jobs such as food researcher or pharmaceutical rep seem interesting as well. I really like the job openings to be a nanny or kinder-care manager. Why am I drawn to the job listings? Because although I like my job, it is a frustrating job and at times I would like to have the nine to five job that I could leave at work and not have to think about 24/7. I think I am capable of doing so many things...owning my own hot dog restaurant(only because we don't have any good hot dog places around us..it is a perfect idea), dog walking business, photographer, life coach, or artist. My dream job would be to be an actress or sing on Broadway, but bad knees and two left feet always reassure me that this dream may have to come in another lifetime.
There are so many different jobs and I think I would like to try them all, I know there would be some I would hate, but I think for the most part I could enjoy them all. We have so many opportunities available to us anymore that having one job for the rest of our lives seems like a waste. I hope I get to take advantage of many opportunities in my lifetime.

2007-03-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

So much is happening right now. A few weeks ago my niece, Jessica, and I went to see Justin Timberlake in concert. Pink opened for Justin and put on a fantastic show. Justin was great, he can do it all..dance, sing, play the piano, the keyboard, and the guitar. Timberland put on an excellent intermission show mixing a lot of music to a great screen show. the girls and women were crazy. I was worried that Jessica was going to faint when Justin came out. Luckily she didn't, but she screamed so loud that I am sure that Justin heard her on stage. The age range for the concert was 6 yrs to 50 yrs. There were a lot of women there who were screaming and cheering just as hard as their daughters..yes I was one of them. Jessica and I had a great time and she got pictures on her camera, telephone, and movies on her camera. This is the first pop concert that I have been to in a long time. So I was amazed to see all of the cell phones out with people taking pictures.

The day that I came home from the concert, I made some dinner and went to bed. That night I woke after 12:00 some time with a terrible stomach ache...and that was the beginning of my 12 hours of torture. I threw up every half hour, then I would get under the covers and shiver and moan because of all of my muscle aches, and then I would sleep and start the process all over again. It was just awful. I didn't eat for the week and my stomach just seemed to be unable to recover. Finally by the end of the week I could eat solid food.

In more recent news, I got a new job. I had an interview at Case Western Reserve University for a postdoctoral position. I am sure many of you (or at least the three people that read this) are thinking, Why the new job? Well although I love the lab that I am in and am learning a lot, it is really not the type of research that I want to study. I was invited to give a job talk by a researcher who examines aspects of Alzheimer's disease and to help run and start up the new behavioral core. It is really the perfect job for me because everything that I have done from grad school up to this point is all wrapped up in this job. I can use all of the techniques that I learned until now in this one job and it will really help to tell a better research story for me in the future. I was so nervous to tell my current boss because she has been so generous in taking the chance to hire a behavioral psychologist to learn immunology techniques. But she was amazingly supportive and even provided suggestions to help me improve my curriculum vitae.
And said we could collaborate in the future. She gave me some nice compliments by telling me that she knew this job would be a challenge for me, but I rose to the occasion. I will be leaving my lab in 5 weeks. It is really bitter sweet, because both labs are great labs in regards of research and personality. So the next few weeks will be full of work, so that I can try and get data for three papers. So again, as always, life has taken another unexpected, nerve racking, and exciting turn. It would be boring if it didn't!

2007-01-20T10:45:00.001-08:00

My research
So last night I went out with my girlfriends, Julie, Jo Jo, and Kristen for our girls night out. However, unfortunately for them I had just come off of a very stressful few days. I had 4 different experiments that I was working on and felt pretty brain washed by the end of the day on Friday. I went out anyway and we went to a bar. A couple people asked us how old we were and what our occupations are. This is the equivalent of when people used to ask us what our major was or what we did for fun! Oh we must be getting older. But I didn't know what to tell people when they asked me my occupation, it isn't as concrete as a therapist , pharmacist, or banker. I would reply with a "I am a postdoctoral research fellow" and the stranger would say "a what?" to which I would just say I do research. Then Julie said "she's a research psychologist!". That was a good enough answer for me.
As I listened to my friends talk about their jobs, iI thought it was interesting because no one (except my mom and dad) has ever asked me "so what kind of research do you do? or what are you studying?" My friends and most of my family just know that I conduct research experiments. This is fine, because it isn't like I expect stress and learning (my dissertation subject) or the cellular mechanisms involved with the development of alcoholic liver disease (what I am examining now) to readily come up in conversation, but I do think it is interesting and it is 90% of my life, so this blog will be dedicated to educating everyone on my research interests. Don't worry, I'll keep it short and sweet.

Stress Effects on Learning and Memory
Dr. Kathryn Bryan

It is well known in the psychological literature that when organisms are under stress the body reacts by producing glucocorticoid hormones (cortisol in humans and corticosteriods in animals). Hans Selye was one of the first researchers to examine the specific stress pathway and found that when we are under stress, the hypothalamus (a part of the brain responsible for the temperature regulation, feeding, fight or flight, thirst, and pleasure) activates the pituitary gland which then secretes a number of different hormones that eventually lead to the production of glucocorticoids. This system is known as the hypothalamic-pituitary adrenal axis (HPA-axis).

My research

Interesting though is that glucocorticoid receptors are found in the part of the brain primarily responsible for learning, the hippocampus. This is an indication that when organisms are under stress, these receptors become activated and eventually are saturated with glucocorticoid hormones, which may be correlated with decreases in learning and memory during stress.

Historically, corticosteroids were used as anti-inflammatory agents to treat rheumatoid arthritis and Crohn's disease. The corticosteroids worked, but had a side effect-producing deficits in learning and memory. Now don't get me wrong, being under stress will not cause you to get Alzheimer's disease or completely lose the ability to learn or retain information, but it may cause you to have those temporary lapses in memory.. kind of like when you are really tired or have the "tip of the tongue" experience.

As I was learning more about how stress can cause memory lapses, I kept thinking that stress was similar to other amnesic agents that can produce similar cognitive deficits. Severe hypothermia or concussions can produce amnesia (like the people you see who suffer from retrograde amnesia -the inability to remember events that have occurred prior to an insult to the nervous system or anterograde amnesia -the inability to remember new information that occurs after an insult to the nervous system). An example of retrograde amnesia is if you were to get into a car accident, but couldn't remember anything you did that day, week, month, or in severe cases year(s) prior to the accident. An example of anterograde amnesia is if you were to get into a car accident and could not remember the names of the people you were meeting at the hospital, but could remember everything that happened before the accident.

In the laboratory, we can induce amnesia by giving hypothermia to humans (which is used mostly for Navy experiments) or to animals. The animals are only cold for about 10 minutes and get plenty of fruit loops and love after. But I digress. The major aim of my study was to determine if a stressor would act like an amnesic agent (like hypothermia). Without going into a lot of details, my results were that stress does produce retrograde amnesia in rats and that it is a time-dependent effect (as time increases between the stressor and the learning activity, the less effect stress has on learning-so they learn better). Furthermore, if I gave the animals a reminder of the learning experience, the deficit was not reversed. This is different than literature which used hypothermia as the amnesic agent, because reminders tended to bring back the memory. This is equivalent to someone going through a list of words or letters in order to help you figure out what the word is that you are trying to find when you experience the "tip of the tongue" phenomena. This was the jist of my dissertation in a nutshell. If you want to read the whole thing it is on OHIO LINK under published dissertations!.

For my masters degree I examined classical conditioning of the immune system using lipopolysaccharide (a component of Gram-negative bacteria). But that will have to wait till next time...Mark and I are going to the Cheescake Factory for lunch..mmmm.
FINAL WORD: Try not to stress!

2007-01-07T14:08:00.000-08:00

Little Italian
Last week I went to Sonoma California to see my new cousin, Mario. He is actually Mario IV, so we call him Little Mario. He is the first baby on my side of the family and I have to say he is the cutest baby I have ever met!

Little Mario cried very little while I was there and was just a very curious child. He smiled and laughed a lot! Amee and Mario are great parents and you could tell that little Mario just loved being with them!! It is always funny to think of my memories of sliding down my stairwell with Amee when we were little or arguing with Trista and Amee about the what the words are for "wake me up, before you go go!" Although Amee and Trista have lived thousands of miles from me all of my life, we always have fun when we get together. As we have grown older the times together have gotten shorter and far and less between. But it has been wonderful to see us all grow up together!
If you have never been to Sonoma California, I would highly recommend you schedule a trip there.
Sonoma is filled with wineries and beautiful scenery.

2007-01-01T13:11:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know that it has been a few months since my last blog, but in the spirit of the new year my new year's resolution is to try and keep up with my blog (although don't hold your breath)! So much has happened in the past few months. I officially received my Ph.D. degree on December 16, 2006.
I really wasn't very excited at first about going to graduation, but found that I really enjoyed every second of it. Getting hooded was pretty unreal and seeing some of the students graduate that were in my classes was really rewarding.

Mark and I had our annual Christmas party at the beginning of the month. This year we had twice as many people than we did last year, so our house was pretty packed. My friend Jessica catered the whole thing and the food she made was really tasty!

We were very concerned about how Abby would be with food all around and with so many people. But she was like a star! Everyone just loved her and she was so overwhelmed that she just sat down and let people come to her! She started off the evening with antlers, but they came off pretty fast! The party was a success, but was a lot of work and I didn't even cook the food!

We spent Christmas in Buffalo this year and to our surprise there was NO SNOW! We didn't even have any snow in Ohio for Christmas. Christmas without snow just isn't Christmas at all. We had a wonderful time relaxing and eating lots and lots of food! On our way home from Buffalo we made a quick stop in Erie, Pa to see Matt and his new fiance Kami! I got to meet his whole family (a big Italian family) and of course as with all Italian families that I have met, they always provide lots of good food! After our visit we went back to Medina for Cliff's birthday! All of my siblings were there including Dani who flew in from Vegas for a surprise visit! Cliff's birthday is the 27th of December, but we had to celebrate on the 26th because my mom needed the next day to prepare for a trip to Sonoma California to see the new addition to our family, "little Mario"! As we sat at the dinner table watching Cliff open his presents I thought " I want to go to see the baby too!" So I found a relatively cheap flight that arrived the same time as my mom and made the reservation! It is so like me to make last minute decisions or just to get up and go. I figured that I may not have as many opportunities in the future to just have the freedom to get up and go, so I better to it while I can! It was totally worth the time and money! I will talk more about that trip in my next blog!
Well tomorrow I head back to work. It is so hard to go back after having such a nice vacation.
Mark and Abby are doing well. Abby is still all puppy, but she is really a wonderful dog and I can't imagine what our life was like before we got her! Hope you all have a happy new year!
New Year's Resolutions for 2007
paint more
find a place to volunteer
blog more
spend more quality time with Mark and Abby

2006-10-27T14:15:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!!!

Well I am sitting at my desk here in rainy cleveland ohio. I miss the sun...it was beautiful while it lasted. I love the colors of fall, but hate this period between fall and winter, where it just rains all the time and starts to get cold. I love the snow....so if it just started to snow that would be alright with me. Abby loves the snow as well. Not much new is happening. My job is about the same, but seems to be a good fit for where I am in my life now. Today we had a lab pot luck which was really nice, but I ate too much and now have the dreaded afternoon sleepiness that I can't stand. This weekend will be filled with work and fun. Mark and I are going to our friend's annual halloween party. I never used to really be in to halloween because it is always so hard for me to find a costume that fits or be creative enough to take the time to make a costume. This year I am going as a ghost and mark is going as a zombie. When he put his mask on, it scared me and the dog. Abby just began to bark and bark.
My thought for today is about sleep. It seems that americans are lacking in sleep. I seem to get enough sleep, but often wake up 3 or 4 times a night. I have such vivid dreams though. For instance the other night I dreamt that there was a house that was really a secret lab that was doing cruel research on killer whales. I went through the house and it was pitch black. I remember being scared. I opened a door and I found myself looking at 3 large orca whales that were dying because they were not in any water. It was terrible. then I saw another whale that was pretty mutilated being transported into the lab. The night before that I dreamt that my old boss had passed and I went to his funeral which was in a sewer. I wonder what freud would have to say about all of this. Anyways, my dreams are sometimes so vivid that if they resemble normal daily functions, then sometimes I can't remember if something was a dream or if it was reality. Crazy huh. Well I'll talk more on this later, but right now I have to get home to my puppy and watch Mark walk her in the rain. He He.
Katy

2006-10-09T12:16:00.000-07:00

Wheee!!!

This past weekend was a lot of fun. A group of my friends and I went to Cedar Point. The weather was perfect..sunny and a warm, but not hot. we went on the topthrill dragracer which is described as "Riders begin their epic journey aboard this whopping 42-story screamer by securing themselves into ultra-cool trains that resemble top fuel dragsters. The train then moves into a "starting line" position, where it is launched forward, reaching 120 mph in approximately four seconds. The train then zooms straight up the 420-foot-tall hill on track that rotates 90 degrees, crests the coaster's apex and then free falls back to Earth. But hold on, this isn't your father's roller coaster. As the train races 400 feet to the ground, the track twists an unbelievable 270 degrees – what a rush! Riders then return to the station to begin regaling their friends with stories of the greatest ride of their lives". I shut my eyes for most of it, but you go so fast you don't know what is going on! It was great and next time, I will definitely keep my eyes open. We got to the park around 1:00 and left at around 11:00 p.m. It was a long and fun day. We ended the day with a haunted house and funnel cake to make the day pretty perfect.
On sunday, I picked up Abby and later that day we went to the park for a walk and to our dismay we had just missed a dog event at the park. We were both very disappointed. later yesterday I went out with some grad school friends from Kent for a beer and dinner at Panini's. We then went to see the new movie "Science of Dreams". I thought the movie was going to be a documentary, but it wasn't. It was funny, but confusing and didn't have a point. It was basically about a man who confused reality with his dreams. He met a woman whom he fell in love with, but she kept telling him that she could not be with him. They would be having a conversation and then all of a sudden you were seeing the situation turn into a dream. Very bizarre. I thought it would end by telling us that he had schizophrenia or narcolepsy or something, but no it just ended with a dream. Oh well. I am sure there is probably a deeper meaning, but I don't know what it is. If you do please tell me. Today, I am desparately trying to make it through the day without collapsing from exhaustion on my desk. So far so goo...zzzzzz.
Katy

2006-09-18T18:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while

It has been a while since my last post. There really is no reason for it, just lack of motivation. I have started a new chapter in my life with my new job as a postdoc. This chapter, like all of my previous chapters, starts with uncertainty and makes me a bit uncomfortable in my own skin. The people I work with are all really nice and supportive, but the research that I am doing is much different than the research I was doing in grad school. I have a lot of new things to learn and have a lot of catching up to do in order to just be average at my job. I haven't figured out if I like the job or not. Some days I love it and some days I just wonder "Why am I here?" I have been looking at all kinds of jobs and think that I may have missed my calling to be a zoologist or animal behaviorist. I really like working with animals especially dogs. There are just so many things I would love to do. For instance, I would love to work for the wildlife conservation society in New york City and do research on animal behavior as well as educate people through seminars and papers about endangered animals. Other jobs I would consider my dream job, would be train or study aquatic animals. But I think my true calling is to teach. That was my favorite part of grad school. But adjunct professors don't make much money and in order to become a full time tenure-track professor I need more research experience. So as long as I continue to pretty much like my job.. I think that I can stick it out for the big prize at the end. Who knows where I will end up or what I will end up doing..it could be a surprise for everyone!!

These past few weeks have been busy. Mark has been on service and this week is really busy for the both of us at work. Abby (our puppy) is still doing very well. She is a bit out of control sometimes, but overall is just a great puppy.

I went out for the girl's night out a few weekends ago. Julie, Jo Jo, Kristen and I went to sushi rock for some sushi, dessert, and martini's. I had a grape martinin that was delicious. I have been friends with the girls for about 10 years now. Jo Jo and I have been friends for almost 18 years (give or take a year). Jo Jo and I have been friends since jr. high school. We were friends all through high school and roomed together and remained friends during college. I met Julie and Kristen in college and we all hung out together during our four years. Kristen and I were roommates for our senior year of college. We are all very different and have very different personalities. Jo Jo is an insomniac with endless energy, works two jobs, and is always very understanding, compassionate, and doesn't judge people. Julie is a family psychologist and is always ready to lend a helping hand. she talks really fast, so when i first met her it was hard for me to understand her, but today I understand her (most of the time-just kidding Julie). I like to tease her about how fast she talks. Julie also has an abundance of energy and needs it for all of the events she has planned every month. Kristen is very studious and mild-mannered. She loves rap music and is a pharmacist. She used to study all the time and was a good student, but really started to party more after college. Even though we are all different, we all get along and will be going to New York City for our first girl trip. Next year it is a cruise!! Julie will be our planner, Jo Jo will be the one who keeps us from worrying too much, Kristen will be the one to let us know about the shopping and cultural events, and I will be the mother of the group...the one who worries about everything and to make sure we have thought of everything. I hate being the mother.
It is pretty cool to have a group of girls that I know I will get to see each month and whom I know will be there if I need them. So if you don't have friends like Jo Jo, Julie, and Kristen...you are really missing out. Love you guys.
Katy

2006-08-31T18:47:00.000-07:00

The meaning of life

Every now and then I ask myself the age old question about the meaning of life. When I was little, I remember a time when I went to pick something up that I dropped and a a strange feeling came over me and I then remember thinking "why am I who I am in this body and with this personality?" I was only about 10 or 11, but can remember the feeling and the confusion I felt like it was yesterday. Ever since then I have tried to discover what the meaning of my life is. Sometimes when you watch Oprah or even others that may be friends or strangers you can just tell that they know exactly who they are and don't ever question it. However, in the 28 years of my life I have realized that the majority of the population is just like me....searching for meaning and searching for themselves. For some it drives them crazy; for others it can make them depressed or make them question everything they do; some see it as a challenge; some see it as a mission; some look to God (their own concept of God or specific God); some look to the elderly; some look to the children, music, pets, etc. For me the answer always seems to lie in silence and patience. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. There are just too many things that have happened in my life (good and bad) that have helped me become a better person or have helped me understand myself and others better. So if you are like me and questioning the meaning of life...just sit for a minute and be patient.. the answers will come when they are supposed to.

2006-08-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

Pain in my back

I really don't know how single mothers with children do it!! If you have read my husband's blogs then you know that he threw out his back last week, which meant that the responsibilities that we usually share (walking the dog before and after work, taking her outside, grocery shopping, cooking, etc.) were now my responsibility. You really don't realize how much the other person helps until you have to do everything on your own. of course this all happened during the same week that I had to work long hours at work. It just makes me grateful that I have someone to help me. Again I ask, how do working, single mothers do it? To all of the single mothers out there, I salute you!

2006-08-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

Past few Weekends

These past few weekends have been so much fun!! Last weekend my friend Kelly(see picture), Tobias, and I met at Shooters ( a restaurant and bar by the water) for dinner, Karaoke, and dancing!! Kelly and I have been friends for about 7 years now. She trained me to serve at Rio Bravo. It usually takes me a couple of months to get know people at a new job. Kelly had been serving at Rio bravo for a while so she knew everyone and everyone seemed really close. Kelly and I really didn't become really good friends until a couple of years later. Three girls that served at Rio Bravo decided to rent out a half a house and needed a fourth roommate. I was going to graduate from Baldwin-Wallace at the time so I said that I would do it. It was the best decision I ever made. Kelly, Laurel, Aileen, and I found the perfect house. The funny thing is that Laurel and I became close friends very quickly. Kelly and I would talk, but were not best of friends yet. Then over time for some reason, Kelly and I just began to find that we had a lot in common. We were both silly, childlike, didn't take life too seriously, but took friends and family very seriously. We both were outgoing, talked a lot about life and relationships, etc. Since then Kelly and I have become best of friends. During our time in the house we met Tobias, who is from Germany. Tobias was in the states for two years for an internship for school. He was studying to be a doctor and chose to do his internship at Case Western Reserve University. Tobias is always very funny. He left, but has now returned to Case to do a post-doc. He is now Dr. Tobias (M.D.).
Kelly, Tobias, and I had a lot of catching up to do, but other than our jobs and relationship changes, our personalities and dynamic didn't change a bit. Dancing was great and it was the perfect night to celebrate Kelly's birthday. That was a fun weekend.

This weekend was also full of surprises and fun. My other very good friend, Michelle, whom I have known since the 3rd grade married the love of her life, Peter. The wedding was at Mohican State Park, which is in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods and wildlife. The wedding was at the Mohican castle, which was beautiful. It was not a traditional wedding in that the bride and groom really ran the entire show. The groom's sisters were the groomswomen and the groom wore a brown suit that made him look like the great Gatsby. You have to understand that my friend Michelle is brilliant!! She has worked at the white house, at the MOMA in New York city, Random House, gone to Oxford in England, lived in Ireland, finished law school, and is currently working for the Pittsburgh orchestra. What this girl can't do..no one really knows. She loves to read and can tell you everything about American and World history. You definitely don't want to get into a political debate with her..she will win every time. She also is an English major and knows the definition of every word in Webster's dictionary. In fact she is probably cringing at my bad spelling and poor grammar as I write. But the funny thing about Michelle is that she is somewhat shy sometimes, down to earth, supportive, and a little clumsy. But that keeps Michelle grounded. She has tons of wonderful friends and family. Her wedding was perfect and both Michelle and Peter's personalities emanated from the wedding atmosphere. Peter is her perfect match, because although I don't know the specifics as to his accomplishments, I do know that they are as stellar as Michelle's. Peter is her perfect match and will be the yang to her yin. Together.. they can do anything.
The day before the wedding we went canoeing for 2 hours. I was really afraid that I was going to get eaten alive by bugs or get hurt. I was more afraid that Michelle was going to get hurt--remember I said she is a bit clumsy. But even through all of my whining---I actually had a lot of fun and it was a great work out. Next time I go I want to take my dog.

This weekend I also fell in love with my husband just a little more. One reason for this was because I asked him to iron my bridesmaid dress. I told him to iron it and do it on the lowest setting. He did exactly that...and as he touched the iron to the dress.. a hole burnt in the front of it. He dropped the iron on the board and almost in tears started to say " I knew I shouldn't do it, I knew it. Katy, this is awful." He was so mad and so upset, that I felt my heart drop more for him than I did for Michelle. (Sorry Michelle). But I did feel that pure panic feeling, but also felt that simple feeling of calm. I figured that I would either not be standing for the wedding or we could fix it somehow. It was after the call to Michelle that I really began to worry. But everything worked out well and Michelle's mom sewed the hole and it was barely noticeable. The ceremony was beautiful. Peter greeted everyone with a " Have you ever seen anything so awesome?" as he pointed to Michelle. Peter and Michelle wrote their own vows and they were so endearing. The reception was fun and I saw a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a long time. I had forgotten how fun Michelle's family is to be with. I know that they will live happily ever after.
Today is Mark and my first year anniversary. Mark gave me a beautiful necklace wrapped in an origami, hand made paper box (see Mark's blog). The necklace is sterling silver and has a rough side and a smooth side and represents our hearts as one. His gift was so romantic!! I got him headphones (not so romantic, but could be the equivalent for a man!). I can't imagine a better man for me. I love you Mark, Thanks for a great year!

2006-08-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

Thank God it is Friday!!

I don't think I have ever been so happy about a Friday!!! This week has been pretty stressful and emotionally draining. I defended my PhD dissertation on Monday and passed. I still don't think that it has completely hit me yet that I am a PhD. I just don't feel smart enough to be a PhD. I am not the only one. A lot of recent PhDs say that they don't feel like they thought they would feel when they got their doctorate. After Monday I had to come to work on Tues. and run an experiment. By Wed. and Thurs. my brain stopped working and I just became really tired. I think all 4 years of grad school had caught up to me. I am cherishing this weekend, because this is really the first weekend in 4 years that I can just sit back and truly relax!! Sure I had weekends and holidays where I didn't have to do much, but as a grad student you can just never relax completely. You are always thinking about classes or teaching or preparing lectures or research or what you need to do when you get back. School follows you everywhere. But this weekend is different. For the first time I can allow myself to just say #@! it! I don't need to think about school or anything. I can just enjoy it (although I have to correct my dissertation and get it ready for publication, but I just won't think of it)!Emotionally it has always been very difficult for me to accept the calm after the storm. After months of working off of adrenalin and being constantly busy, I find that NOT being busy depresses me. I feel anxious and immobilized by boredom. It is a terrible feeling. If I didn't know the criteria, I would almost categorize myself as bipolar. But I know that I am not. Just addicted to work!!
Katy

2006-07-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

Almost time

Last night I went out with my friends from Kent state for our last "team meeting." However, I don't think that it will really be our last. It was fun hanging out, but in the back of my mind I just kept thinking that "this is one of the last times that we will probably all be out." Our time together is growing short. My very good friend and lab mate has already left and is now in Florida. I miss him terribly as well as his new son and wife. My other good friend is moving to Ohio state, which is not that far from me, but still long enough to keep us from seeing each other all the time. It is so crazy to me how we go through 4 years together, get to know each other, cry and whine to each other and then with the time it takes for our advisors to sign our approval forms for our dissertation, it is over. Life moves fast, sometimes too fast. I was really sad when my friend moved to Florida and just couldn't imagine not seeing him or talking with him in the lab, but then after I started my new post-doc, it just seemed normal. I just hope we all stay in touch.
other than that, I have been trying to not be too stressed about my defense on Monday, but in doing so, all of the suppressed stress came out all at the same time yesterday. I felt completely immobilized by fear. Do I know enough? What haven't I reviewed? Why can't I speak clearly during my presentation? why does my presentation suck so bad (I'm usually pretty good at presenting!), What the heck did I learn these past 4 years? and on and on.... You hope that you are ready, but you know that there could always be that one question that is the simplest to answer and yet you have no idea what the answer is--then you look like an idiot in front of friends, family, AND your comittee.
My nightmares have already started, forgetting my talk, not being able to answer a question, or just going over and over my talk in my head as I am sleeping. It is all too annoying. I can't wait until it is over!! And even then I probably still won't believe that I am a Ph.D.
It is funny how you see a doctor (Ph.D or M.D.) and you say "wow, they must be smart!" But in reality for new Ph.D's and M.D.'s you often feel like you know very little compared to the older doctors. In fact most of the time you feel pretty dumb. Funny how life works.
Katy

2006-07-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

I won't give up
So yesterday I told my husband that I didn't know what to write about on my blog, so I just didn't write anything. He laughed and said, "well I think blogging is like everything else you do.. you start it and really enjoy it, then just stop doing it." Unfortunately this is all but true. I do it with everything. Things that I have started but just stopped doing include painting, learning to play the guitar, knitting, reading books (I'll read about half a book and just stop, unless it really keeps my interest), learning a different language, etc. You name it and I have probably tried it. It takes a lot to keep my attention. I do it with food too. We buy lunch meat or cheese or chips and I will eat most of it, but will always leave just a little behind. It is like I am saving it just in case or I don't want to finish it.
I am sure that this behavior is part genetics and part environmental. I am restless by nature so this would explain why it is hard to keep my attention. But my mother was some what of a perfectionist and everything I did from dusting to art work to playing piano was always critiqued. Maybe this is why I can't finish anything I have started, because I am afraid I won't be that good or "perfect". Plus my impatient side doesn't help at all! I want to know how to knit a sweater, but don't want to practice in between. Same with everything else.
Although these behaviors drive my husband and others crazy, I kind of like being able to sample things and then stick with the ones that I find most interesting, such as research or singing or taking care of my dog. I also think that if I wasn't like this, I probably would not be where I am in my life today. Being able to sample things little by little has led me to many surprising and interesting experiences. I am not afraid to try....just afraid to finish.
Katy

2006-07-24T18:52:00.002-07:00

Things that make me cry

Things are going pretty well. Abby was a little sick over the weekend, maybe because of the heat or maybe because she decided cat poop was a new treat!! On the way to the park yesterday she threw up in the car. Before we left I had put a blanket on the back seat and there was a little part of the car seat that I usually cover, but for some reason did not this time. Of course that is where Abby decided to throw up. Go figure. We took Abby to the vet today to make sure she was healty. The way Mark and I were acting you would think that Abby was a 5 month old infant; one little sign of illness and we are off to see the doctor. We were a little concerned about Abby's bones and hips. Labs are prone to Hip displasia and Abby lookes a little off kilter sometimes when she walks. But that was all in our heads. The vet said that Abby was healthy-no viruses, etc. and that her hips were perfect as well as her bones and growth. What a relief ($100 of relief). Oh well she is worth it. Today I prepared my talk for my dissertation. I can't wait until the defense day, I just want to get it over with. But I still feel like I have a lot to review this week. Unfortunately my brain is protesting against learning anything new-procrastination is my middle name.
Oh yeah you may be wondering why I called this "things that make me cry". Well mark and I are watching the CMT awards show and they showed a story about this couple and then the guy asked his girlfriend to marry him in front of the entire audience. I cried. Then I thought, I am such a sap--I cry whenever I see someone getting married or getting engaged, having a baby, getting a big present, having a house remodeled or built, etc. So basically every reality show that helps someone out or follows a family story will make me cry. It does feel really good to get all of that emotion out though. Now Carrie Underwood is singing Jesus take the wheel and I can already feel the tears coming. Music is my prozac! I love these days when everything in my life seems to be just fall into place. These days don't happen often, but when they do all I can do is cry a happy cry.

2006-07-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

Fun Weekend
This weekend was full of surprises and fun!! On Friday I met up with my girlfriends from college for our monthly dinner/outing. We started out at the art museum for the summer jazz concerts in the courtyard. As usual, I arrived half and hour early and my friends arrived a 1/2 hour late. So I sat around for an hour waiting. It was a nice night. As soon as Julie and Kristen arrived, we did a little catching up over 3 bottles of wine. Jo Jo showed up as soon as she could and had just enough time for half a bottle of wine. We then went to Shooters in the flats. I was tired, tipsy, and not really wanting to drive to the flats. But with a little persuasion the girls convinced me to go. Funny enough, I danced all night and didn't want to go home. Unfortunately Jo Jo and Kristen had to work early the next morning. I felt that old feeling of disappointment that kids feel when they have to leave the party, but I had a blast and can't wait to go back and dance some more. It has been about 5 years since I was at shooters and as I watched the college girls and guys making out or trying to find someone to make out with, it made me miss college...but not the dating games. On Sat. I was exhausted, but helped Mark clean up a little for friends that were coming in from Tennessee that evening. I went to columbus for Michelle's bacelorette party, so I did not get to go to dinner with Mark's friends. The drive to Columbus is only 2 1/2 hours, but it is so borining and my butt kept falling asleep and my leg really hurt half way down there. We went to P.F. chang's for dinner and to some bar, Adoble I think,and I drank 3 or 4 long beaches. They were super good. We met this group of guys and one girl that looked like a young barbara streisand (I know it is spelled wrong). Beth's house is awesome and as always was perfectly decorated. I went to bed around 2:30 and I woke up this morning at 6:45 a.m. to rush back to cleveland for a little breakfast with Matt and his new girlfriend Camy. By the time I got to the Original Pancake house I was pretty tired and I was starting to get a pretty bad headache. But as soon as Matt, Mark, and Camy arrived I felt better. We ate and did some catching up. I really liked Camy and felt that she was a nice fit for Matt. Then to end a pretty perfect weekend, I took a nice nap and then Mark and I went to brandywine falls for a hike. It was a beautiful day out. Abby got to swim in the river and we went for a 1 mile hike. It was really nice and of course I left with 3 mosquito bites on my face. Oh well. I don't think I could have asked for a better weekend package!!

2006-07-20T16:44:00.000-07:00

Marriage

My husband Mark and I have been married for almost a year!! We have been together for almost 4 years, so although I know the year anniversary is exciting, it seems just natural for me to have him by my side for another year.
I am at that age when all of my friends begin to find the loves of their lives and are all getting married. Being a psychology major and knowing that only 1 out of 3 or 4 marriages last forever, I have to wonder "Is my generation changing those statistics, or is there a chance for divorce for my friends and I?" I know there is always a chance, but I know that Mark and I will last forever. And when I see my friends with their fiances or husbands I think they too will last forever. What could possibly happen to separate them? But I have seen divorce in my life too many times to think that it doesn't happen to anyone. And I hope that my friends and I are not part of the general population statistics and divorce rates.
I think there are only a few key things that help make a marriage last. There will always be ups and downs and always times when you just want to strangle the other person, but for me, I think that if you can understand the other person (knowing when to back off, when to ask questions, etc.) then you are on the road to success. You have to appreciate the other person everyday and always remember the first days of the relationship when your adrenalin and epinephrine made it feel as if you were floating. (Note: just thinking about those memories can induce some of the same hormones to help you feel the same feelings!) But I think the thing that will keep Mark and I together forever is laughter!! I can't get mad at Mark without laughing. I never have a day when i don't laugh. I don't mean a giggle, but a hard, gut-wrenching laugh. That is what keeps me young and happy. Mark knows me better than anyone-sometimes even better than I know myself (which is really annoying). He knows when I am taking life too seriously and makes me laugh; he knows when I am grumpy and makes me laugh; he knows that when he gets really mad and yells that i will laugh. Laughing will keep you happy, it will increase the endorphins in your system, it will hurt, make you cry, but most of all it will keep your inner child alive.
Keep laughing,
Katy